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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.