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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
I`m perfect you adjust.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about