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Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.