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Why do baby clothes have pockets?
I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
about love
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!