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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.