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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.