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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them