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Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
The word bed looks like a bed.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".