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If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
Word for the day is asstard
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?