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My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.