Daily Silly Status

You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.

Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.

I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.

Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.

Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.

If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.

Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?

“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.

I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.

You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east

Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis

My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds

I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.

9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...

My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".