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Most problems can be solved with nudity
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
The problem with diets is pizza.
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.