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Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”