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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
You are wasting your time reading this status.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.