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PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
The only difference between sex and breakfast is sometimes I don`t want breakfast.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
Better late than pregnant.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?