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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.