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I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone