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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?