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Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.