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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.