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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”