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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, I’d like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.