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If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.