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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC