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If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.