Daily Silly Status

If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!

I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a

I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.

Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!

None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?

Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.

I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.

Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it

Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.

Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.

Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.

Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.

My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!

Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.

A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.