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says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.