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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".