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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
FYI: Push-up bras don`t actually help you do more push-ups :(
I just awesomed all over the place.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.