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I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!