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This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy