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Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
My cardio is shopping.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
10 years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.