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Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Iām classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.