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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone