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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.