Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
The pizza guy just said "see u tomorrow" ...
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day