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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?