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This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.