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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
I only drink alcohol because there aren`t enough ways to eat it.
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
Those awkward moments when you catch yourself feeling frustrated with your kids for being just like you....
I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.