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I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"