Daily Silly Status

Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?

Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.

My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.

Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?

Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."

Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!

I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!

Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.

What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?

Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.

I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.

So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?

Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.

Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.

Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.