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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...