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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?