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you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.