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Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
is in no shape to exercise
It takes two people to lie....one to lie.....the other to listen
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.