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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
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