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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?