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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.