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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.