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I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
I said "sad face emoji" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am.
My life coach just benched me.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.