Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b