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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point