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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.