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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.