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I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn`t stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.